When She Hisses That Means She Likes You
It was another rainy day so I got together with a good friend of mine and her son. The kids and I played for a bit at her house, then made our way over to the local library where we were planning to meet up with my friend's friend and her daughter who is about 9 months younger than Sofia. The Loaf has never really spent much time with other little girls. She has two girl cousins who live in Ohio and we don't get to see them much. The rest are boy cousins and my friends all have boys, so Sofia is just used to boys in general. While she has no problem keeping up with the big guys, I often think it would be nice for her to have a little girl about her own age to play with. This seemed like a good opportunity for her to make a new friend and she's so easy going that I thought for sure they would hit it off great.
So we're all reading stories and having snacks and the three kids are romping about having fun when in walks my friend's friend and her adorable daughter. We all start chatting and her daughter toddles over to the crate of board books and brings me one, and then another and another, until I've got a heaping pile and I begin to read to her from one and she's making toddler talk and smiling at me with these huge, brown eyes and then I turn to Sofia, about to ask her if she'd like to sit on my lap while we read with her new friend when I noticed that she was staring at this little girl with an intensity that suggested she might be putting an evil hex on her. Her head was cocked to one side, eyes fixated, her mouth drawn down in a sour, sneer of disdain. My stomach lurched. Hmm...this can't be good.
"Hey, honey, are you okay?" I try to slip my arm around her waist but she pulls away and just kind of grunts at me. "Don't you want to read a story...it's 'Kipper'!" Again, more pulling away and a firm "No" from her.
Meanwhile the little girl is paying no mind and she's investigating the library while talking to other little kids and checking out the busy beads. Sofia's watching her the whole time, like a cheeta eyeing a gazelle. I begin apologizing to her mom who is like, "oh, don't worry about it" and I'm like, "oh but she's not usually like this" which is completely true and I don't know where it's all coming from. Sofia then moved on to the busy beads and the other girl reached up toward the same bead Sofia was holding and Sofia did some sort of air swat thing at her face, somehow never actually hitting her. Kind of like a cat warning a small child to "STEP OFF!" after it had been poked one too many times. I was horrified. I've never seen her do that to anyone, except me once or twice when she was very angry, but even then you could tell she'd felt badly the second she did it. Not this time. The little girl tried to make another grab and Sofia gave her several "air swats" right at her nose, stirring up a lot of wind, but managing not to actually make contact. I could almost see her thinking, "You know, I don't have to miss..."
Well, it just kind of went downhill from there and she had a bit of an outburst and just began crying and she couldn't seem to verbalize what was wrong but I think that's because she really didn't know how to describe this kind of feeling. Could have been a combination of shyness and a little jealousy. Whatever the reason, I think she'll get over it in time and we'll be able to forge a friendship with the little girl and her mom.
Or we'll just be known around town as that mom and her red-headed "devil spawn".
So we're all reading stories and having snacks and the three kids are romping about having fun when in walks my friend's friend and her adorable daughter. We all start chatting and her daughter toddles over to the crate of board books and brings me one, and then another and another, until I've got a heaping pile and I begin to read to her from one and she's making toddler talk and smiling at me with these huge, brown eyes and then I turn to Sofia, about to ask her if she'd like to sit on my lap while we read with her new friend when I noticed that she was staring at this little girl with an intensity that suggested she might be putting an evil hex on her. Her head was cocked to one side, eyes fixated, her mouth drawn down in a sour, sneer of disdain. My stomach lurched. Hmm...this can't be good.
"Hey, honey, are you okay?" I try to slip my arm around her waist but she pulls away and just kind of grunts at me. "Don't you want to read a story...it's 'Kipper'!" Again, more pulling away and a firm "No" from her.
Meanwhile the little girl is paying no mind and she's investigating the library while talking to other little kids and checking out the busy beads. Sofia's watching her the whole time, like a cheeta eyeing a gazelle. I begin apologizing to her mom who is like, "oh, don't worry about it" and I'm like, "oh but she's not usually like this" which is completely true and I don't know where it's all coming from. Sofia then moved on to the busy beads and the other girl reached up toward the same bead Sofia was holding and Sofia did some sort of air swat thing at her face, somehow never actually hitting her. Kind of like a cat warning a small child to "STEP OFF!" after it had been poked one too many times. I was horrified. I've never seen her do that to anyone, except me once or twice when she was very angry, but even then you could tell she'd felt badly the second she did it. Not this time. The little girl tried to make another grab and Sofia gave her several "air swats" right at her nose, stirring up a lot of wind, but managing not to actually make contact. I could almost see her thinking, "You know, I don't have to miss..."
Well, it just kind of went downhill from there and she had a bit of an outburst and just began crying and she couldn't seem to verbalize what was wrong but I think that's because she really didn't know how to describe this kind of feeling. Could have been a combination of shyness and a little jealousy. Whatever the reason, I think she'll get over it in time and we'll be able to forge a friendship with the little girl and her mom.
Or we'll just be known around town as that mom and her red-headed "devil spawn".
posted by Kristen @ 8:36 PM
5 Comments:
At 7:57 AM,
Anonymous said…
Perhaps the key lies in the idea that the new little girl was bringing the books to YOU, rather than to her own mom...or interacting with the rest of the kids. We already know that Sof is very attached to you, and probably incredibly possessive. She probably felt this intruder as a threat! In hindsight, it might have been a better strategy to immediately introduce the two girls as soon as the newcomer arrived, and maybe ask Sofi to show her some of her toys, etc. That would have established her as hostess, or queen of her domain... and then maybe she would have been more gracious! I can remember once when I was young (Yes, I was young once!) and it was my birthday, a flock of cousins I didn't know arrived unexpectedly, travelling through the area and stopped in. Of course, my mom invited them for dinner, and the kids all made themselves at home, played with my toys, and pretty much ignored me, on MY birthday! (Of course no one told them it was my birthday...) I didn't defend my turf as well as Sofi, I just ran to my room and locked the door and cried. I kept waiting for someone to come look for me, but nobody did. My parents were busy chatting with the other adults and just assumed I was busy playing with the kids. The kicker was that my grandmother and I had spent the whole morning picking itsty bitsy sweet wild strawberries to make a strawberry shortcake for my birthday cake. When I finally came down, it was all gone! I don't remember the details, but I probably pouted for quite a while afterward. I vaguely remember my mother trying to explain the elements of hospitality to me. I wasn't as young as Sofi, but as you can see, I still haven't quite gotten over it! Perhaps if she had pulled me aside when they first arrived and talked to me about it, it would have helped!
At 8:59 AM,
Flea said…
Oh I know how worried you must have been but isn't it just so sweet to.
To discover these thing from and with our kids. Gave her big hugs and remind her she's YOUR only little girl.
Me and mine is very close aswell but man if I dare be nice to her friends she is telling me how I am always nicer to other kids. Oh Helloooo!
After explaining the whole 'I love you forever' 'they are our guests' thing she seemed to understand and settle down. She is now 11 so I think old enough to realise how she gets treated as well as a guest in her friend's home. Good luck, keep us updated. At least you can be thank full she stood her ground!
At 10:54 AM,
Anonymous said…
Wow! I'm not a mother but you need to talk to MY mom! Because I behaved the same way for the same reasons! I am the youngest of four. But by the time I was born, my siblings were 7, 8 and 9, so I benefitted from a LOT of one-on-one time with my mom alone. We were exceptionally close (and still are, in fact, so know that you are setting the stage for many years of a strong relationship with Sofia!) I was extremely well behaved and cooperative and sweet as a child, so imagine her surprise the first time she noticed the "death glare" on my face when she'd admire and talk to another baby/toddler whenever we were downtown! She LOVES telling that story in fact, about the first time she noticed. She was talking to and cooing another baby in the supermarket and talking to the mother. She then turned to me, and she couldn't figure out why I had this angry, pinched up look on my face. She kept trying to talk to me to find out what was wrong, but being about Sofia's age, I also couldn't communicate my feelings. Of course I distracted away from it after a while, but she was very puzzled (she hadn't put the two and two together yet.) But it was after that first time, that she noticed I got that way EVERY TIME she interacted with other babies/toddlers, little girls in particular. And that was the ONLY time I got that way, so the negativity was extremely noticeable. She adjusted simply by making sure she didn't do that around me so obviously anymore, but now confesses she managed to when I wasn't noticing!
This was all during the period of my life when I had very little interaction with other children my age; before school yet just one or two same-aged neighborhood children were around but I was as adjusted to them as if they were my own siblings. Again, my own siblings were "much" older by childhood standards, so there was an entirely different dynamic that I saw between them and my mom. But a STRANGER baby! Oh no, mom STAY AWAY! YOU'RE ALL MINE!!!! Don't worry, as sweet natured as Sofia is, it's a normal reaction for her to feel threatened by this outside child receiving your attention and possessive of you as a result. I WAS her, and I turned out just fine, and grew up with even other children talking about how pleasant I was to be around. Believe me, my mother's far stronger influence on teaching me to be kind and compassionate overpowered the occasional "instinctive" territorial reaction of jealousy. And I'll never be sorry that so much time "attached" to my mom resulted in the fabulous relationship we have today.
At 5:36 PM,
Kristen said…
Jody- That's funny that you used to do the same thing! I wonder if I ever did that- I was also super close with my mom (youngest!) I imagine this isn't a very unusual behavior for either boys or girls at this age. I'm sure it had something to do with the fact she was another little girl, trying to get my attention. I'm confident that she will learn in time that I can pay attention to other kids and my love for her won't disappear. Thanks for the comments!
At 6:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
Ok, listen..>I have a red-headed "devil's spawn" I know your pain, sister. My daughter is 2.5 years old and has taken 10 years off my life already. She is like a tornado of fire and I just pretty much stay out of her way when I can. Sometimes I have to protect the young and innocent, but if you're above 10, you're on your own with her. I laughed and laughed at your blog though...very well put, the "air swats" are classic!
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