Sunday, September 18, 2005

Honeybees, Hornets and Wasps, Oh My... God, Someone Help Me, I Am Freaking Out!

Apparently I have a phobia of yellow jackets. I didn't know this until I found a dozen of them flying around my kitchen this weekend and, after several minutes of smushing each and every one, found myself nearly fetal on the floor of the hallway, hyperventilating, with David on the other side of the baby gate asking if I was okay.

"What's wrong mommy? Did those yellow jackets sting you?"

Me sobbing: "No, David. Mommy's is just really, really scared of them. I'm just feeling very sad right now."

David: "It's okay, mommy. It's all right. You're okay, mommy!" He didn't appear to be anxious seeing me like this, but he did begin climbing over the gate.

Me: "What are you doing, honey?"

David, struggling to get over: "Oofff...I'm coming to rescue you!"

Me: "Wait, I'll come over there so you can rescue me..." I step over the gate and he gives me a big hug. He smiles.

David: "All better now?"

Me, weakly: "A little bit."

So we're infested. Right now they're more or less contained, but they're nesting in one (that we know of) wall of our home and they are all over the property as well. I'm not bothered by the honey bees, but there are yellow jackets and hornets making their homes in the hillside and on our lawn and earlier in the week I found myself standing smack in the middle of one and didn't realize until it was way too late. It was out back by the kids' playhouse and I had wandered over to some flowers I saw blooming and felt a whirring, buzzing sensation near my ankle. I looked down to find them swarming all around my legs and then I felt the first sting in my toe, another in my calf and then found one attacking my hand. I started whaling my hand against the ground, and finally got it off. I ran to the door of the playhouse and scooped up Sofia and tried to get David to come out...It was like a scene from a war movie, or something.

"David, we've got to get back to the house, mommy was attacked by hornets (At the time, I thought they were hornets)"

David's not moving.

"We've got to go, man, now! We're under attack!"

David: "Oh! I don't want to get stung!"

me: "Then we've got to move...MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!!!" I grab his hand and take off, ducking my head like I'm dodging bullets or something. David is saying something like "Aaaahhhh!!!" the whole way back to the house. Sofia just cries.

And so began one of the most unpleasant weekends we've had since we moved here. Ernesto has spent a good chunk of time this weekend using wasp poisons, setting up outdoor traps, plugging holes in the walls and making calls to pest control places that apparently are either too busy or too lazy to get back to us. I have contributed mostly by freaking out and showing how incredibly displeased I am by all this. The kids, for the most part seem unaffected, but curious to watch their mother's rapid descent into madness.

Things are quiet for the moment and today we've seen only a few of the nasty buggers inside. Perhaps they are mostly gone, due to all the spray we used, or maybe...

maybe they're just waiting to come creeping back out after Ernie returns to work on Monday, the kids are napping and I'm all by myself. Someone send me some Valium. Quickly.

<< Home


Post a Comment